I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
