I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
