I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
