so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
