At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
