Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
