i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
