I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
