My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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