He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
