remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
