Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
