I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
