What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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