This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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