Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
