...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
