I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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