Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
