fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
