And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
