Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
