Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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