Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
