Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
