I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
