I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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