she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
