Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
