in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And then he peed in my hair
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