I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
