Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
