Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
