So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
