i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
