so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
