Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina is officially offended.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
