some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
