Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
