My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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