Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
