then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
