Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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