Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
