The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
