she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
