I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
