You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
