Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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