i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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