i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
