he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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