I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
