WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
